Sunday, November 22, 2009

Jive Turkey

Last Wednesday night at the nursing home, Alma was perusing a catalog of old time music. I asked her what kind of music she enjoyed listening to and she seemed confused, so I pointed to the Elvis CD for sale in the catalog and asked her if she liked to listen to Elvis Presley. "Oh yes, I like Elvis," she told me. Rosalie overheard our conversation and commented that she, too, liked Elvis. I asked Rosalie if she knew any Elvis songs and she suddenly broke into the King's hit Are You Lonesome Tonight? I sang along with her, helping her along at parts she had forgotten. The nurses on the floor laughed, saying they'd never heard Rosalie break into song like that. As Rosalie continued singing, alternating between Are You Lonesome Tonight? and O Holy Night, and sometimes singing both interwoven as the same song, I told Mary that she wasn't eating enough and I wanted her to eat more. Rosalie, hearing this, announced that we at our table were all "jive turkeys." Laughing on the inside, I asked her why she was calling us all jive turkeys. She answered that it was because nobody at the table was eating. She said whoever is eating is not a jive turkey. I looked at her plate, still full of ham and potatoes because she was too busy singing to eat, and said, "Then you must be a jive turkey, Rosalie, because you're not eating!" Rosalie couldn't believe she was having her super cool term, jive turkey, thrown right back at her and didn't know what to say. Mattie, who was clearly sick of listening to Rosalie belt out Elvis tunes, laughed and said to Rosalie, "She got you!"

Today I picked up an Elvis CD to bring to the nursing home next week. It should be interesting!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

A River Runs Through It

It isn't often in this state that you can go for a leisurely walk along the river without freezing your ass off. So today I made especially sure to enjoy these waning days of Autumn on the Mississippi and it didn't disappoint. In the distance the river water sprayed up off of the falls and the sun cast long shadows off of the bare elms. I'm going to miss this during the next six months of winter. Ah, Minnesota.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Gordo Rides Hakeem's Tail to Stardom

Boy howdy, this fat cat of mine regularly makes the news, and he takes my dad along with him for the ride! First it was MSNBC.com, then the venerable BBC, and now The Kitty City Gazette! The Kitty City Gazette is an online compendium of fabricated news stories that star cats from around the blogosphere. I was introduced to it by my friend Debbie on her blog, Glogirly, who recommended that I send in a photo of my Hakeem. So check it out, you'll find Hakeem and Gordo in the story New California Law Cracks Down on Sale of Energy-Gobbling Cats. No autographs, please.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Waiting for Guittard

Sorry I've been absent for so long, but I've been consumed for the last week by thoughts of the new mochas being served up at Caribou Coffee. The new mochas are made with your choice of white, milk, or dark Guittard chocolate, steamed and left all melty at the bottom of your cup of sweet nectar. Most coffee shops use powdered chocolate or syrup, so this is a fairly major departure in the coffee world.

I am not a coffee drinker, unless it's fattened up nicely with chocolate and sugar and I didn't sleep particularly well the night before. I don't indulge in them often, but I really enjoy them when I do. And the place I usually enjoy them is Starbucks, so this development from Caribou is really out of left field for me.

The biggest problem, of course, is that I am in the waning days of my Month Without Sugar experiment. I'm just taking a month, along with some coworkers, to avoid candy, desserts, and other sweets such as fetching, chocolate-y mochas. So all I can do until next Wednesday is daydream about a Guittard mocha, and daydream I will. Again, I apologize that it's been so long since I've posted. But now I think you can totally understand why. It's the mocha.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Stalking Tarzan


Unwittingly, I've been following in the wet footsteps of Olympic swimmer and, more famously, Tarzan actor Johnny Weissmuller. I don't have many memories of the handsome European as I didn't grow up watching a lot of Tarzan, but I've grown to appreciate his contributions to pop culture. I mean, he was Tarzan!

I first started accidentally following Mr. Weissmuller several years ago when I read about a hotel in Acapulco that was sort of forgotten up on the highest cliffs in this coastal Pacific city. My aim was to spend one night in Acapulco on the way from Mexico City to my fishing village paradise south of Acapulco. I wanted to be close to the famous cliff divers of La Quebrada, so when I stumbled across the Hotel Los Flamingos, just blocks away, I was excited. I'm pretty sure many of my readers have been there with me, right? Holla for Tarzan! Turns out Los Flamingos was once owned by Weissmuller and his band of funsters which included John Wayne, Fred McMurray, and Errol Flynn. That would have been enough excitement for me, but then another Weissmuller coincidence found its way into my life when a chance trip to Chicago led me to the twelfth floor pool at the InterContinental Hotel.

The junior Olympic swimming pool area at the InterContinental, considered an engineering marvel in its day many decades ago, is a gorgeous melange of intricate Mediterranean tiles, stained glass windows, and wicker tables and chairs in the gallery that make you feel like you're going back in time. No wonder Johnny Weissmuller was known to have taken a dip in the pool there, and no wonder I'm stalking him. Now if I could only find out that he spent some amount of time in a certain pool in Tahiti, I'd be ready for my next trip.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Lucidity

Mary doesn't respond very often to direct questions, at least not with direct answers. But tonight in the dementia unit at the nursing home she seemed to be lost in the gentle strains of the old time music wafting from the cheap boom box, so I thought I'd ask her if she knew what she was listening to. A Muzak version of Blue Moon interrupted the clink of fork tines scraping along plates and folks yelling about some imagined wrongdoing. I looked at Mary and asked her, "Mary, do you know this song?" She continued to look faraway and didn't answer. When Somewhere Over the Rainbow came on, I asked her if she knew that song. Nothing. However, Alma volunteered that she indeed knew the song. She and I then discussed watching The Wizard of Oz sometime and we agreed that would be fun. Then The Platters' tune, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, performed with a forlorn-sounding saxophone, caught my ear. I've always loved the song so I sang along and then asked Mary the obvious question, "How about this one, Mary? Smoke Gets in Your Eyes?" Mary looked right at me and said, plain as day, "Yes, sometimes it does." I couldn't help but laugh, she had answered my question, in a way.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

What To Do in Chicago

Your next trip to the Second City won't be complete if you don't visit the Billy Goat Tavern, a greasy dive made famous in the old '70s Saturday Night Live sketches where Greek cooks smoked cigarettes over a hot griddle covered in juicy cheeseburgers while yelling out "cheezborger cheezborger cheezborger!" and "no fries, cheeps!" There are a few Billy Goat Tavern locations, but the real deal resides below Michigan Avenue right across from the storied Chicago Tribune building. Famous newspapermen were known to hang out at the Billy Goat, as well as SNL alumnus Dan Aykroyd and pals. It's a kitschy little workingman's saloon and has a very Northeast vibe as well, so we were quite comfortable throwing back Billy Goat Lagers and brandy sevens.

After a particularly well-made gin martini, my dad asked me to take his photo in front of the Horny Goat talk bubble meant for a stuffed goat's head affixed to the wall there. Now you know what to do the next time you make it to the Windy City. You're welcome.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Ape Reflections

I would like to submit that it is not Disney World that is the Happiest Place on Earth, but rather it is the Cloud Gate sculpture in Millennium Park in Chicago that is. Better known as "The Bean" because of its unmistakable shape, it reflects the cloudy sky as well as the city's gorgeous skyline. Michigan Avenue's stainless steel behemoth brings joy to all who encounter it, even gorillas.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Gepetto Comes to Life

Last Friday I celebrated Halloween at the office by magically transforming into an exact replica of my coworker, Gerry Leone. Ok, not an exact replica, unless, as a friend pointed out, Gerry is sporting a pretty bodacious set of moobs. But I was a reasonable facsimile.

The best part about putting together the Gerry Leone look is that I purchased a wig and mustache set that was meant to be for someone dressing up as Gepetto, the creator of Pinocchio. But, I found out with glee, you can fake a pretty good Gerry Leone by way of Gepetto. I had to alter the mustache and add a little hairy soul patch under my lower lip, but it all came together pretty easily. Add a work t-shirt, a Hawaiian shirt on top of that, some jeans and a pair of running shoes, and I was almost Gerry Leone. I took it to the limit by adding some cheater eyeglasses and a train whistle sound effect on my cell phone that went off periodically. That's when I became him, if he was sort of feminine. Which he is. Just kidding.

Some of our coworkers who sit near Gerry so know his routine directed me on how to look just like him for this photo. They told me to sit in his office, next to a box of his favorite SnackWell cookies, put my feet up and kick back. Because that's how Gerry Leone rolls.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

She's Gone

My favorite nursing home resident, Angie, died last week. Most every Wednesday evening for more than a year I've spent in an old pink vinyl and wood chair squeezed between Angie and Mary, alternately feeding both a spoonful of pureed food. Angie had the physical ability to lift the fork to her mouth and feed herself, but something in her brain wouldn't trigger her hands to actually do it. She'd sit in front of her dinner all night and never touch it, but if you fed her, she'd thank you for every single spoonful before it passed her lips. Occasionally she'd take a drink of something without being told, but not often. When I'd try to encourage her to drink some milk herself, she'd point at each beverage on the tray – the juice, the tea, the milk – unsure which was milk. When I'd show her, she'd thank me and take a small sip. Angie had conversations with everyone at the table, though nobody seemed to know it. She'd laugh and nod at whatever Mary was saying, which was always gibberish, as if they were sharing a good story. Angie was always in a good mood, always smiling and pointing at the few remaining teeth she had on the bottom front of her mouth. She was expressive and delightful to be around. At the Christmas party last year, the room was pretty warm with all of the additional people helping celebrate, so Angie did what she thought she needed to do to alleviate the problem, she started stripping her turtleneck sweater right off over her head. I quickly caught her and encouraged her to put it back on and suggested we open a window instead. Of course, she happily agreed.

I received an email a few days ago from the volunteer coordinator at the nursing home that Angie had died. It included information on a celebration of her life at the home and her memorial service. I attended the memorial service yesterday at a funeral home in south Minneapolis because I really wanted to know what sort of life Angie enjoyed. It didn't seem possible that a woman so happy in dementia had been anything less in better times. There was an enormous yellowed photo of Angie as a very young woman framed at the front of the room, next to a Japanese-style urn with her ashes inside. Not surprisingly, because she was a lovely old person, she was gorgeous when she was young. There were poster boards covered in photos of Angie through the years. In her younger years pictures of her with her sister, wearing kimonos. Later, in America, there was Angie wearing dated polyester jump suits and sporting bad perms, but always looking radiant. Angie's son spoke for quite a long time, sharing stories about Angie that were wonderful to hear. He told us how Angie had been born and raised in Tokyo and how she had seven brothers and sisters, three whom had died of disease as children. She had a brother who had been trained at fifteen years old to be a kamikaze pilot but had never been called to action. She survived several bombings in Tokyo during WWII but watched several friends die. She came to America, with very little knowledge of any form of English, with an American serviceman, and endured much post-WWII Japanese hatred from Americans with anti-Japanese sentiments burned on their brains. But she never let it bother her, she understood it and dealt with it. She hated war and never wanted her sons to join the military. She loved nothing more than her family and her cats. She traveled to Mexico, Dominican Republic, Japan, and other places and loved it. Angie's son told funny stories of Angie finally learning to drive when her husband took ill with cancer, how it took seven driving tests for her to finally pass and how he thinks the driving instructor just passed her to be done with her. She took classes to learn to read and write English, but still swore and talked in her sleep in Japanese.

Then Angie's son told of her being diagnosed with dementia in 1999, which began what he called "the ten year goodbye." Angie's daughter, who worked at home, and her husband were able to take Angie in for seven years, watching her and keeping her from hurting herself. But her tendencies to wander got to be too much and they couldn't put enough locks on the doors to keep Angie from leaving and being missing for hours at a time. It was too much so they put her in the Memory Care Unit at the nursing home. It was great to hear that they thought the nursing home did a great job with her, I have no way of knowing. Angie's son said she did well in the nursing home, even attracting a suitor (Don) who spent hours with her and made her happy. But then her health started failing and soon last week Angie was in a coma and passed away the next day.

The last time I saw Angie a couple of weeks ago she complained of being in pain. She rubbed her legs and pulled her pajamas up high, revealing her skinny legs and knobby knees. I didn't know it was probably part of the beginning of the end. I don't know how the doctors and nurses who care for dementia patients figure anything out, it seems almost impossible to know what's really bothering them. I am very sad for Angie's family, and I'm definitely going to miss her every Wednesday evening, but it's weird. I sort of feel like the folks I'm with are transitional people, as if they're people at a weigh station, awaiting their next assignment. They have no history and no future. Don't get me wrong, they're fully developed people with brains and hearts and minds, but they're not the folks their families once knew and they don't have dreams of their futures ahead of them. So their passing, while sad, is inevitable and not altogether the unhappiest thing that could happen to them. They're not in a place they ever could have wanted to be. I wish they were still vital parents and sons and daughters and friends, but they're not. Their families have those memories now, and these vulnerable people, void of past and future, just need to be cared for and loved on their way to their next journey, wherever that may take them.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Koko and the Gladiator





This over-served gladiator, too sauced to completely fathom his surroundings, conceded defeat to the demon rum and took a much-deserved rest next to the popcorn machine at the Rex Bar in Duluth this weekend. Sensing his loneliness, Koko gamely joined the down-on-his-luck gladiator in protecting the vat of salty bar snacks against hordes of superheroes and sexy maids hellbent on eating the fiber-rich puffs of corn. Koko's presence clearly uplifted the gladiator's dampened spirits, if only for the second the photo was snapped.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

When Superheroes Wear Fanny Packs

Like Toto the dog pulling the curtain aside and revealing that the great and powerful leader of Oz was nothing more than an ordinary man, this dude dressed as a superhero at the bar in Duluth last night revealed too much when he turned around and showed the embarrassing fanny pack he was sporting.

Superheroes don't wear fanny packs, man.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Lucky Ones

I think about the sulfur miners of Indonesia, a lot. They cross my mind almost every day. I think about them when I'm feeling good about life and even more so when I'm feeling bad.

The sulfur miners spend long days hacking off chunks of sulfur using heavy steel bars, inhaling dangerous gases as they do so, then they hand carry baskets of their work, weighing between 100 and 200 pounds, uphill several kilometers. At their destination they sell the sulfur for a couple of dollars and then make the trek back down to do it all again, maybe even two more times in the same day. Then they do it again the next day and the next. They have to hope to save up as much money as they can because, as you can imagine, this is not a job that can continue into old age and other opportunities for income in this part of Indonesia are hard to come by. These guys are actually the lucky ones. They're lucky.

It's too much to think about.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Bean Curd Love

After the overindulgence of fish & chips last night (an overindulgence I would gladly repeat anytime!), as well as a morning spent baking pita bread and jalapeno-cheddar scones, dinner was going to have to be a little lighter. Enter a dish I saw made on a great PBS show last weekend called Gourmet: Diary of a Foodie, prepared by Ruth Reichl herself. It's a fascinating program that showcases food from all corners of the globe and I hope it won't go away like the magazine with which it shares its good name.

After the show last week I ran right out to United Noodles and purchased a good quality soy sauce and some organic tofu, and for some other use a banana sauce from the Philippines (can't say I'm in love with it yet) and various other Asian delights. I've had a difficult time finding soft tofu that isn't silken, which the recipe requires, I'm hoping my search in the future won't be as difficult. They don't even have it at my local co-op and those folks are supposed to live for tofu! I was very excited to make this simple dinner and invited my mom over to enjoy it as she is a real lover of the bean curd. It was, in a word, wonderful. Spicy and complex, yet so easy to make that it could easily be thrown together on a work night. I couldn't find the Korean hot red pepper flakes the recipe calls for so I substituted a lesser amount of regular red pepper flakes and cannot complain. If you are interested in giving it a try, check it out and prepare to fall in love:


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Ireland By Way of Northeast

I finally tried the new Anchor Fish & Chips chipper shop in my hometown of Northeast Minneapolis and I am happy to report that it is awesome. From the outside signs, lovingly painted by my pals Faith and Eric, to the indoor decor, dark and warm and cozy, The Anchor is a welcome addition to the neighborhood. My friend Koko and I enjoyed the fish and chips under the gorgeous tin ceiling, marveling at how the tiny, open shop didn't smell the least bit of fried food, the mainstay of the restaurant. Served with your choice of vinegar (but not the malt variety, I guess that's not truly Irish) or a deliciously rich tartar sauce made in house, the fish is an enormous slab of Wild Alaskan Cod hand dipped in batter just before serving and deep fried to a lovely golden brown hue. The chips are hand cut, thick and substantial, crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. We didn't try anything else on the menu, like the pastie or the shepherds pie or the curry chips – a pint of Harp was enough this time – but there's always tomorrow. Having heard about the crowds we wisely arrived tonight for an early dinner and by the time we left about an hour later, there was a line at the door. I'm sure the the hopeful diners found it was worth the wait.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Avett Brothers Make Me Happy

Monday, October 12, 2009

October Snow

If you've been giving serious thought to uprooting the family from your sunny southern California digs for the family-friendly, Minnesota-nice plains of the Twin Cities, you might want to consider that we're in the middle of receiving two to three inches of snow today. It's early October. It's snowing. I'm suicidal.

While I can't deny that it's beautiful outside with a clean white layer of snow everywhere, my snow crab trees didn't even get a chance to shed their leaves and dry their berries before the snow settled on their tender branches. Sigh.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

A Fetid Pile of Dung

I don't write movie reviews and I'm not about to break that rule, but I must warn all of humanity to avoid the movie Couples Retreat like the fetid pile of dung that it is. Avoid it, run from it, and don't look back. It's the rare film with such great leads (Vince Vaughn, hilarious in Swingers; Jon Favreau, a gem in Elf; Jason Bateman, my hero in Arrested Development; and Faison Love, my chubby sweetie in Blue Crush - the last a guilty pleasure of a movie that proves I'm not a movie snob) that delivers no laughs. Not one. Maybe the essence of a hint of a light giggle once or twice, but nothing more, and I'm only saying that to be kind because of my deep and yearning attraction to Vince Vaughn. Kristin Davis from Sex and the City must have practiced her "excited at the thought of sex with a stranger" face in the mirror quite a bit in preparation for this, because it was all she was allowed to do, over and over and over again, in this disaster called Couples Retreat. Vaughn and Favreau, the writers, clearly phoned this one in as a reason to film in Bora Bora and while I can't say I would never do the same, I wouldn't be proud of it. They owe me five dollars.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Thank You!

Just dropping a quick note to thank everyone for expressing concern for my big fat guy, Hakeem. It seems the worst is over and he's on the mend, I'm thrilled to report. I was so happy tonight when I opened the front door and there he was, in the way, greeting me as I stepped inside. Just like it was before this whole sick business started. He's still not eating as much as he probably should, but considering what he's been through, that's pretty normal. People always gasp when I tell them this, but he used to eat two to three tuna can-sized containers of cat food per day. By their responses, it seems this is equivalent to that guy who has a dozen eggs and a pound of bacon and a loaf of bread for breakfast, six burgers and six fries with four liters of pop for lunch, and two pot roasts for dinner. But all I can say is that I tried to keep it to two cans per day, but in six hundred and eighty-nine square feet of space, there was nowhere for me to run when his hunger hit and he insisted I had to know about it in the middle of the night. So perhaps once he's back at a hundred percent, he'll be accustomed to taking in a smaller amount of food on a daily basis and this whole awful episode will end up having been a boon for my boy.

Either way, I really appreciate everyone's positive thoughts for my buddy. I'm lucky to have him and lucky to have you.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

A Weighty Subject

My boy Hakeem doesn't like going to the vet for myriad reasons, not the least of which is his reluctance to get on the scale. Even in his sickness last night he cowered in his beloved basket, keeping his distance from the hated beast that spits out with brutal honesty his size defined as a stupid number. I think we can all relate.

He appears to be feeling better today, but still somewhat low energy and lacking appetite. I shall be plying him with a variety of canned meat products purchased today at PetSmart, in order to find that magic that will seduce him. If those don't entice, it's going to be real meat. Anything to keep him from going back to that horrible place with the evil scale. (As always, click on photo for a close-up shot).